HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL (1821-1881) | Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.
Generation Z — and now Generation Alpha — are growing up unlike any generation before them. They are immersed in a global marketplace of ideas, images, arguments, and wounds from a very young age. That tidal wave of information comes with many gifts (e.g., access to global stories, creative tools, rapid connection)…as well as a particular danger: it can blunt a child’s desire for time-tested truth and instead train them to chase authenticity as the nearest thing to “real.”
MARCUS AURELIUS (121-180AD) | We are too much accustomed to attribute to a single cause that which is the product of several, and the majority of our controversies come from that.
What Do We Know Right Now?
Most teens spend a considerable amount of time on social media and many are online almost constantly with platforms like YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat topping the list. According to a Pew Research Center report, this level of constant connection shapes attention and identity formation.
The Barna Group’s recent analysis of Gen Z reveals a generation wrestling with identity, morality, technology and faith — and consistently underscores that authentic community and genuine spiritual formation are essential for their flourishing.
Generation Alpha (i.e., born roughly 2010-2024) is accessing devices even earlier than previous generations with many having tablets or personal phones in early childhood. Consequently, they are being exposed to ideas and trauma at ages that used to be comparatively sheltered.
These are not abstract trends — they literally change what “truth” looks like to young people. And when an online algorithm offers authentic-looking content that affirms a felt identity (or wound), it often feels more persuasive than slow, patient biblical teaching.
FRANK CRANE (1861-1928) | You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.
What Do We Mean By “Authenticity” - And Why It Matters?
For many young people today, “authenticity” means: being seen and accepted for how I feel and express myself right now. It’s not so much that their desire is wrong (Scripture honors honest hearts) as it is incomplete. Authenticity quickly becomes hollow when it’s defined only by feeling or image. The danger is twofold:
Preference authenticity. If authenticity = “whatever expresses my current feeling,” then truth is subjective and changeable. As a result, young people can end up with a preference for what “feels real” over what is historically tested or morally consistent.
Performance authenticity. The algorithms of social media platforms reward dramatic vulnerability which encourages kids to perform suffering, rebellion, or confession because it earns likes and community…but performance isn’t the same as transformation.
This is where spiritual formation really matters. Dallas Willard (1935-2013) taught that Christian formation is about the inner renewal of the will and character, not superficial behavior modification. Authentic faith in the biblical sense is a transformation of the heart, not simply speaking one’s feelings aloud. Willard emphasis on practices and habits offers parents a language for teaching that authenticity must be formed, not merely asserted.
The research of Gabor Maté also helps to shed some light on the issue, specifically concerning the impact of trauma. He notes that trauma is more than just the big headline events…it’s also the “small-t” wounds of unmet needs that shape a person’s longings and emotional defenses.
In a world where children are inundated with contradictory narratives, images, and micro-traumas (e.g., bullying, abrupt exposure to adult dilemmas, ideological shaming), they quite naturally respond by seeking immediate forms of belonging and validation. Unfortunately, social media has been programmed to supply quick, intense versions of that belonging and validation. Maté argues that addictions and compulsions (including compulsive online behaviors) are most often attempts to soothe wounds, rather than abject moral failures. This makes a pastoral, truth-centered, compassionate response essential.
Some Things For Parents To Consider
The deep longings of the human heart — especially for adventure, belonging, and identity — can be easily misdirected if we don’t take them seriously. Children crave a story in which they belong and matter…so when authentic community is absent, they’ll find a substitute. As Frank A. Clark (1860-1936) wisely noted, “If you haven’t time to help youngsters find the right way in life, somebody with more time will help them find the wrong way.”
A parent’s greatest superpower is their role in modeling spiritual honesty, vulnerability, and the healing power of compassionate presence (see Henri Nouwen’s, The Wounded Healer). When our children watch us bring our wounds into God’s presence rather than hiding from them…children are given a safe place to bring their real struggles rather than curated versions of themselves.
Parents also need to instill an intentional theology of spiritual formation — rhythms, disciplines, and community that build the inner character of a child over time and help them develop a deep relationship with God. Here, Willard offers parents a way to move from “control and reaction” to “formation and invitation.”
It is also helpful (really helpful) for parents to read behaviors through the lens of woundedness and longing. When kids chase “authenticity” in harmful ways, it’s usually the sign of a deeper unmet need.
BENJAMIN E. MAYS (1894-1984) | The tragedy of life is often not in our failure, but rather in our complacency; not in our doing too much, but rather in our doing too little; not in our living above our ability, but rather in our living below our capacities.
Below are some questions to prayerfully work through — individually, with your spouse, perhaps with trusted friends or community leaders — that help translate the above insights into households where truth and authenticity grow together.
Questions about identity & truth…
How do we define “truth” in our home? Is truth described as a set of beliefs, a Person (Jesus), a way of life, or merely accurate feelings?
Which Biblical narratives and practices are we intentionally teaching so our children can compare trendy online claims to a richer story of lived experience?
Questions about technology & exposure…
At what ages (see data showing Alpha’s early device access) and under what supervision will our children have access to smartphones, social apps, and unfiltered video?
What routines and practices will help our children develop their ability (a) to concentrate and (b) to evaluate credible/helpful sources?
Questions about formation & practices…
What spiritual disciplines (family worship, Sabbath, silent meditation, Scripture reading, confession) will our family adopt to train the heart in truth rather than feelings alone?
How do we model authenticity — not performative vulnerability — but honest confession and repentance in front of our kids?
Questions about community & belonging…
Where will our children experience consistent, multi-generational community that is both loving and truthful? (Barna’s research highlights the importance of authentic community for Gen Z’s spiritual formation).
Who are the adults (non-parent mentors) we trust to speak truth and love into our children’s lives?
Questions about wounds & help…
What signs of “small-T” trauma should we watch for (disconnection, numbing, compulsive online behavior, hyper-shame)? If these signs are present, when do we seek counseling rather than only spiritual conversation?
How can we encourage our kids to tell their story safely — and to experience Sabbath from the noise of society long enough to hear God?
Questions about authenticity vs. popularity…
How will we teach our children the difference between being seen (authentic) and being validated (popularity)?
How do we help them test online voices against the Bible and the wisdom of Christian community?
What Can We Do To Nurture Truth-Seeking Kids?
These are some concrete practices you can try this week or this month — small rhythms that compound into character over time.
Media audit and seasons. Audit your child’s feeds together. Establish “seasons” for deep reading, silence, or device-free family time (e.g., Sabbath evenings, family meals). Use device limits and intentional conversation about what they saw.
Source training. Teach a simple checklist for the information they take in: What do ‘they’ mean by this? How do ‘they’ know it’s true? Where did ‘they’ get their information? What does it mean if ‘they’ are wrong? How does it align with Scripture? Turn media consumption into a family detective game.
Practice small confessions. Model honest (age-appropriate), brief, non-shaming confession and restoration in front of your children so vulnerability becomes a household norm.
Create “truth partners.” Pair older teens with a trusted adult mentor who can listen. speak, and model consistent truth.
Teach curiosity + charity. Encourage kids to ask “How did you come to believe that?” before they reflexively argue or dismiss the idea. Curiosity breaks polarization and fosters real conversation.
Guard attention. Willard’s emphasis on the spiritual disciplines can be translated into concrete practices: family reading time, memorizing scripture, and periods of silence to train attention.
Trauma-sensitive posture. If a child’s online behavior looks compulsive, respond with curiosity and care (not just correction)…listen, validate the hurt, and if needed, connect with a counselor who understands developmental wounds.
What To Say?
These are just some suggestions to get the conversation going…
“I want to know what you saw — tell me the story in your own words.” (This invites processing).
“That sounds interesting. Let’s pause and compare that with what Scripture and our family believe.” (This teaches testing for truth).
“I love you even when you’re confused or wrong.” (Models non-performative belonging).
“Let’s try a ‘quiet hour’ and see what we each notice about how we feel afterward.” (This is a practical experiment in attention).
Amid these conflicting currents, our children are urgently searching for what is real. Yet when parents anchor them with true presence, thoughtful engagement, and disciplined family rhythms…our kids will learn not just to recognize authenticity — but to live in the healing freedom of truth.
