DR. A. WITHAM | Children spell love… T-I-M-E.
DAVID BLY | Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.
If you asked any parent what they wanted for their children, “happiness” is definitely one of the top three responses. But that also brings up a rather uncomfortable question. “Am I happy? Do I know how to lead my child there?
If you are waiting for the “Super effortless and easy five-step plan to never-ending happiness” blog post, then you should probably stop reading right now. There are no shortcuts, but there is a way that things work.
It all begins and ends with our hearts.
Sarah wasn’t trying to miss her daughter’s first soccer goal. She was a committed mom—managing work emails over breakfast, carpooling to violin lessons at lunch, squeezing in a prayer during bathroom breaks. Then, on a bright Saturday morning, her phone buzzed as her youngest scored, and she watched the highlight on her screen instead of her daughter’s beaming face. In that instant, her jam-packed calendar collided with her weary soul. She felt crushed by the realization that the very rhythms meant to “enrich” her family life were actually stealing its joy.
Busyness can often disguise itself as virtue, but there is an antidote: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). In the rush to fill every empty minute, we silence the whisper of the Holy Spirit.
John Eldredge might call this a “spiritual ambush”—a relentless assault on our margin and our capacity to be fully present in our lives. Sometimes we notice the small moments—the laughter in the car, the insightful question over breakfast—slipping through our fingers like sand and we feel the ache that’s left behind.
Last month, Sarah and her husband tried an experiment born out of frustration: a 15-minute “unplugged window” after dinner. No devices, no errands, just two questions: “What moved you today?” and “Where did you feel God?”
When her teenage son paused, looked up from his phone, and said, “I think I saw Him in Mom’s smile,” she felt the blessing of margin more deeply than any Christian conference or devotional ever provided. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 CJB, it says, “These words, which I am ordering you today, are to be on your heart; and you are to teach them carefully to your children. You are to talk about them when you sit at home, when you are traveling on the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Those 15 uninterrupted minutes with our kids can become living Scripture.
This sounds simple (and it is), but it certainly isn’t easy. It takes courage to clear space in a world that rewards status, achievement, and productivity. But our souls are wired for wonder. We are not meant to live in ‘witness protection’ from God’s purposes.
So many of life’s true treasures are found in our ‘ordinary’ hours. In Matthew 11:28 CJB, Jesus offers us a comforting invitation, ”Come to me, all of you who are struggling and burdened, and I will give you rest.“
He wasn’t offering a weekend retreat; he was welcoming constant communion. Rest isn’t a reward from the “calendar gods”—it’s the lifeline of the Holy Spirit.
If you find yourself weary and exhausted…or just long for family life to get better…these are three ideas you can try to reclaim your soul and your family:
The Margins Map. Imagine your week as a treasure map—most of it marked by obligations, but with a few hidden “X”s that signal unexpected discoveries of joy and rest. At the start of each Sunday evening (or first quiet moment), grab your planner or digital calendar and deliberately circle three 30-minute blocks. Label them in bold “NO-PLAN TIME.” Then guard them like your life depends on it:
Treat each block as if it were a dinner reservation with the King of Kings. Turn off notifications five minutes before, set your phone to “Do Not Disturb,” and let family members know this is untouchable space.
Enter each margin block with a posture of wonder, not obligation. Pray quietly: “Holy Spirit, meet me here.” If your mind races, welcome the thoughts, then gently return to the present moment.
…Sit with a cup of coffee and read one Psalm and one Proverb. Invite God to highlight whatever He wants to say to you.
…Step outside for a solo walk—no earbuds, just the sounds of creation.
…Curl up on the couch for 15 minutes of journaling about how you saw God move in the week.
By treating these pauses as sacred appointments, you begin to recalibrate the compass of your soul. Psalm 62:6 CJB reminds us, “My soul, wait in silence for God alone, because my hope comes from him.” Those circled blocks become your personal sanctuary to weather the storms of busyness.
The Check-In Jar. This practice transforms your kitchen counter into a sanctuary of shared transparency…IF it is set up and used authentically:
Find a small container—an empty coffee can decorated with ribbon, or a glass jar wrapped in twine. Place a stack of colored slips (cut from scrap paper) and pens beside it.
Each evening—perhaps right after dinner or before bedtime—invite everyone (ages 5 and up) to jot down two things:
One High: A moment when you felt joy, peace, or closeness to God.
One Low: A struggle, disappointment, or time you felt distant from Him.
Fold the slip, drop it in the jar, and whisper a short prayer for the person whose name you might draw later.
Set up a weekly debrief (Sunday night?) and draw slips at random from the jar. Read them aloud (anonymously, if preferred) and then ask follow-up questions like, “What do you think God is saying to us through this?” or “How can we pray for each other right now?”
This simple container becomes a narrative of God’s faithfulness and your family’s real-life struggles. Hebrews 10:24 (CJB) calls us to watch over one another and spur each other on toward love and good deeds—and this simple practice cultivates exactly that: empathy, accountability, and shared prayer.
The “Only One” Rule. Overcommitment often comes from saying “yes” to every worthy cause. This rule invites you to choose wisely—and replace what you drop with something that feeds your soul.
Identify your “One” to release by listing every regular commitment—committee meetings, classroom volunteering, ministry teams, sports coaching. Pray and reflect: Which one, if paused for three months, would free up the most mental, emotional, and spiritual bandwidth?
Then, schedule your replacement ritual. For the season you’ve paused that role, intentionally plan one recurring family ritual in its place. Keep it simple but consistent.
(These are only examples and they need to be adapted to the age of the child)…
Family story hour: Once a week, gather around the sofa, read a short Bible passage, and invite each person to share how it speaks to their life.
Neighborhood pilgrimage: Pick a local walking route. Once a month, stroll together, pausing at meaningful spots (a favorite oak tree, a mural, etc.) to pray or share gratitude.
Living Room Picnic: Toss a blanket on the floor, scoop everyone’s favorite flavor of ice cream, and ask one question: “Where did you see God today?”
Tell a close friend or your spouse which commitment you’re stepping away from and why. Have them check in with during the season and ask: “How is that margin feeling?”
By embracing the “Only One” Rule, you free up space on your schedule…and in your heart. Jesus modeled margins when he slipped away from the crowds to pray (Mark 1:35). As you pause one good thing, you create room for the best thing—intimacy with God and family connection.
By now, we already know that the “trying-to-fit-a-little-more-God-into-an-already-busy-life” strategy is not working. So, please don’t think of these practices as just “one more to-do list”, but rather, as invitations for your family to anchor their lives in Him. The moment they become a “moral checklist”, they’ve lost their power to draw you closer to God.
When the noise subsides, you’ll discover that the thing your children crave the most isn’t another activity, but your undivided presence. And in that uncluttered space, the roots of faith deepen, relationships grow closer, and the heart rediscovers true happiness.
